Their Satanic Majesties Request

Their Satanic Majesties Request

(that you enjoy the female orgasm)

So they hit the stage with a thunder of bass that rumbled across the floor like an earthquake.  And then the guitars kicked in and “From the Pinnacle to the Pit” roared from the speakers.  The band looked magnificent in their sharp black clothing and their shiny, demonic masks.  As usual, you couldn’t tell a thing about any of the Nameless Ghouls; they were completely anonymous, the only thing distinguishing them was the instruments they played.  But this worked, and as the show continued, little hints and bits about their personalities came out, with the way they played their guitars, or the keyboards, or the drums.

And then Papa emerged.

He was in full Black Pope regalia.  The crowd screamed and he walked to the front of the stage not like a rock star, but like something regal, a religious figure leading his flock into a proper ecstatic fervor.  But he wasn’t just presiding; there was a playful glint in his eyes, one that became magnified the more he addressed the crowd as the show continued.

What can be said about Ghost as a live band?  They are exceptional.  Their show is flawless, choreographed to a certain degree, and the lighting cues are perfect.  The music rips from the stage, at once powerful and pure in its rock intensity, and then soft and delightful for the slower songs.  Their mix is melodic metal, with the crunch biting your face off and the melodies tickling your ears and heart.  They play their instruments good, too. 

They blasted through an hour and a half set last night in Louisville and the crowd was treated to a spectacular feast of audio might and visual splendor.  There was talk of Satan, and an occult vibe hung over the proceedings.  Certain moments felt ritualistic but then they would slide right into a Van Halen guitar squeal and you would remember that you were being treated to something special.

Papa changed his outfit a few songs in, losing his headdress and robes, wearing instead a suit that was equal parts Edwardian and upper crust England, without any of the flowery flourishes.  There was no puffy shirt.  He looked like a dark member of a secret society that practiced magic rituals in giant mansions under the glare of the full moon.  And indeed he led the crowd as such a religious leader would, wooing us with declarations, waving his hands about as if conducting an orchestra, pleading softly for us to sing along.  And all the while, through the midst of the fun of the evening, in the back of your mind, you had to wonder, just how serious were they about this Satan thing?

There is no other band like Ghost.  They take the theatrics of Alice Cooper and class them up.  This isn’t some brutal Herschel Gordon Lewis gore flick, it’s more like the Hammer Films of the late sixties, early seventies.  There is the gothic element, but the breasts are more exposed, the blood is brighter, and the sinister edge sharper.  And the Devil dances on the fringes, promising joy and delight and a taste of the sinister darkness.

Who else but Ghost could seriously get a crowd of Kentuckians to sing this chorus as loud as they could, with as much passion as they could muster?

“This chapel of ritual

Smells of dead human sacrifices

From the altar bed

On this night of ritual

Invoking our master

To procreate the unholy bastard”

And sing it with glee.

And then moments later, whip out a Keytar and give us a grand solo.

Who else could pull that off with a devilish wink and a knowing nod, and yet still have it all be treated with the seriousness of a Baptist church service?

Only Ghost.

What about that whole female orgasm, thing, then?

In a playful moment introducing their final song, Papa went to great lengths to explain how wonderful female orgasms were, and how incredible it was for a couple to orgasm together.  He likened the last song of the evening to a mutual orgasm, a release.  And he invited us to sing along.

“Come together, together as one!  Come together, for Lucifer’s Son!” we all sang (Monstrance Clock was the song).

And here was the bit where I began to wonder if they weren’t actually serious about Old Scratch.  A guy jumped up and tried to crowd surf as Papa led the parishioners in the rousing chorus up above.  When he laid eyes on this scoundrel, he turned his wrath upon the poor, stupid fellow.  He belted him with curses (not into the microphone) and bade the security to get rid of him.  The guitarist Ghouls joined Papa, exalting the man to get back on the ground or get out.  Security grabbed him and hauled him away and the band finished out the night with a couple more choruses.  But the look on Papa’s face when the interruption occurred was one of intense anger.  Was it because a perfect show-stopping moment had been disturbed, or was it something else?

Hail Satan, indeed.

 

Why I Won’t Be Watching Game of Thrones Anymore

It’s simple, really.

I love the books.

I read almost all of the novels before the series started, so my emotional involvement and loyalty is to the written words.  And make no mistake:  I love those books.  They are deeply detailed and yet always moving, with interesting characters and some fantastic ideas and action.  But I probably don’t need to tell you this because you’ve at least followed the show, if not read the books for yourself.  You know.  You understand.  This is great stuff.  And for four seasons, the TV show kicked ass.  But along came Season Five and my dilemma began.

They started deviating from the books, and not just a little, not like in previous seasons.  No, they deviated a lot.  That whole Sansa arc was not in the books.  Which is fine, I suppose, but it was garbage, for the most part.  I won’t get into deep detail about why it bothered me except to offer this:  they were basically repeating her relationship with Joffrey.  That’s not character development, that’s treading water. 

And then there was the skipping over of the Tyrion story almost entirely.  In the novel Dance of Dragons, he had a long, arduous arc, a tale that detailed his attempts at redemption for committing patricide (even if the old bastard Lannister had it coming, and then some).  Tyrion suffered; he drank himself into a stupor, was humiliated over and over again, and found his already lowly station in life diminished further.  He fought and struggled and by the end of the book found some sort of peace, I think.  Not on the show.  He drinks some, feels sorry for himself, and next thing you know he’s meeting the Dragon Queen (never happened in the book).  Ugh.

Which brings me to the new season.  From this point on, it’s going to be all new material, not based on the books, as far as I can tell.  They’ve already caught up and now they’re moving forward, essentially spoiling what is to come in the books.  I’ve heard the “same ending, different paths” argument, and that’s fine for most people.  Not for me.  I want the books.  I want the real story.  I don’t want the TV one.  And I most certainly don’t want the ending of the series spoiled for me by a television show that is supposed to be an adaptation of the books.

Has there ever been a TV show or movie that spoils the ending of the actual fictional work it’s based on, before the actual fictional work is completed?  I’ve racked my brains and can’t think of one, which means we’re pretty much entering into virgin territory here.  And while I find the conundrum interesting, I come back again to how I feel about all of it.

I want my ending by the book.

And even though everyone I know that has read the books has given up on ever getting another installment (“The last book will come out twenty years from now, written by someone else, if we’re lucky” they say), I have not.  It may be foolish, but I want what Martin writes, not what Martin tells a staff of TV writers to write. 

So I will wait.  Even though it is foolish.  Even though everything will still be spoiled for me, anyway (remember how readers of the books kept the whole Red Wedding thing a secret for three years, not spoiling a damned thing; I don’t think the favor will be returned). 

I will wait.

Because I love the books.

And to everyone else:  enjoy the show!  Just keep your mouths shut around me, please.

I have to tell you, I approached the new Megadeth with very little in way of expectations.  The last album (Super Collider) did nothing for me.  I think I listened to it twice before forgetting it even existed.  There’s nothing wrong with Super Collider; it’s fine for what it is, but it sure didn’t appeal to me much.  It felt like a bored artist trying to find something new to do, something that would spark some creativity and failing. 

There were cries that this new album would be a return to form, that the addition of Chris Adler (Lamb of God) on drums and Kiko Loureiro (Angra) on guitar would revitalize MegaDave and bring back more of the thrash from earlier recordings.  But I’ve heard that song and dance before in regards to other bands and albums.  The band is “returning to their roots” and I would be blown away, they all promise, and mostly fail to deliver.  So I just don’t trust such pronouncements. 

Imagine my surprise when I hit the play button.  Riffs, baby, and cascading solos, guitar notes flying everywhere, pummeling drums, and Dave’s snarky vocals.  Yeah, this is Megadeth.  Yeah, it’s a return to form.  But is it any good?

It’s not remarkable, it’s not fantastic, but it’s solid, and relentless, and it sits in your ear with a pleasant ring, just like getting a phone call from an old friend you haven’t talked to in a long time.  It reminds you of older songs, of vanquished vistas, of concerts passed and good times had.  It feels right. 

But it doesn’t excel.

This is a good album.  No, check that, it’s a really good album, but there is nothing new here.  This is a band doing what it does best and that’s all.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  This is no modern classic and it doesn’t pretend to be.  It does Megadeth and does it right.  And for a band that’s been around for something like thirty years, could we ask for more? 

(This calls to mind the latest Slayer album.  Another band from the same time period achieving the same sorts of results.  Their days of being vital and leading the metal pack are past and that’s okay.  They’re the old dogs, with nothing to prove other than they still remain and can still put out some good music) 

And there’s good music here.  The harmonic solos, the riffs, the ending of the song “Dystopia,” and so much more.  This version of the band sounds like it’s been playing together for years; it’s cohesive and strong and Dave continues to rip out riffs that are like the blood of Christ, shed for all our sins and come to bring us salvation.  The man is a genius and is really underappreciated.  My favorites would be the opening salvo of “The Threat is Real” and “Dystopia,” as well as the instrumental “Conquer or Die,” which leads right into mid-paced bruiser “Lying in State.”  And this is something crucial that Megadeth gets right where so many others fail:  they don’t try to run you over with just lightning, they bludgeon you with thunder, too.  This isn’t a band trying to prove itself by being hard and fast (I’m looking at you, Metallica), this is a band concerned with good, heavy songs, fast or slow. 

It is a marvel that a band this long in the tooth can put out such a quality release.  Kudos to Dave and all the players on the album.  You did good, men. 

(8/10 stars) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bK95lWHl7js

Here's a short story I recently released for the holidays.  Hope you enjoy it
Christmas Will Never be the Same

I've been absent for far too long.  Time to dust this old blog off and do some work. Here's something to listen to while you're waiting, lol:

War of the Worlds

Evil Dead (2013)

First off, let me get this out of the way:  I generally despise remakes.  I don’t care for them at all.  When another one comes out, especially a horror film, I usually groan, curse the gods above and below, and roll my eyes.  Why would they do something like this?  Why trash a classic movie?  After a bit of time passes, I soften and, at some point, check it out.  Most times, the remakes aren’t total turds, but they’re not far off.  So I have no faith in remakes, absolutely none. 

“But what about The Thing?  Or The Fly?” some people cry.  Those were two incredible remakes that most would say are superior to the originals.  To those folks who bring these movies up, I say, “Congratulations.  You just named two movies out of hundreds of turds that were actually successful.”  In other words, the odds of a remake being good or better than the original are long and hard.

So what about this Evil Dead remake?  How did I feel about it?  Well, I had the usual reactions:  I groaned, I cursed, and I rolled my eyes.  Then I saw the trailer and I thought, “Hmm.  Doesn’t look like a turd to me.”  Then early reviews came in and I got excited.  Then I remembered Diablo Cody, the Queen of Overrated Writers, was brought in to “polish the dialogue” and I groaned again.  There was no way I could like this, right?

Wrong.

Okay, now, before I act like I’m giving this movie a ringing endorsement, I don’t think it was perfect or great, but it was pretty good.  There was no way it could be iconic like the original and it isn’t.  In fact, it’s not a flickering demon tongue on the original.  But in its own way, it was damned good.  I certainly wasn’t bored and I certainly wasn’t filled with fury or nausea (I’m looking at you, Halloween remake).  I wasn’t filled with apathy, either, which in this day and age of horrid filmmaking unfortunately makes a good movie seem great.  And I think that’s why so many people are raving over this film.  It’s good, and because most horror movies that come out suck so bad, they make this movie seem better than it is.

Some things I really didn’t like: 

The use of the main demon as a Japanese horror figure.  Um, listen guys, that was so ten-plus years ago.  I don’t need the villain to crawl around jerkily in the mud, head down, with her hair in her face.  I’m well-past over it.

The voices of the demons.  I don’t like that modulated tone.  It’s boring and doesn’t sound scary at all.  I felt like the effect they were going for was “calm terror” but it came across as flat.  There were other times when they used more of a snarl to the demons and that worked much better.

The score.  Eh.  It was kind of bland.  It wasn’t great and it wasn’t horrible, it just kind of was.  The end credit theme reminded me of a mash-up between The Omen and the original Salem’s Lot theme.  But don’t pay any attention to this complaint of mine.  I think every movie should be scored to sound like Goblin or composed in a John Carpenter style.

The dialogue.  Oh, thank God they hired Diablo Cody to fix that shit right up.  I am groaning as I type this.  The original sure didn’t have stellar dialogue, but goddamn, this one stunk at times.  Most of my problems had to do with the speeches the demons made; there were too many wink-wink, nudge-nudge, “Hey, look, this is just like out of the Exorcist” moments for me.  And would it have killed them to say just once “I’ll swallow your soul” in a more convincing manner?

Some things I did like:

The gore.  Come on, are you kidding me?  This is the main reason to like this film.  I mean, Jesus Christ, it was mostly all practical effects, and it was bloody and gruesome as hell.  It was a lot of fun seeing a splatterfest again, and this movie got that right in a perfect sort of way. 

The demons.  I thought they were creepy as hell.  There were moments when they would pause and just stare and I thought, “Hell yeah.” 

There was no Ash.  Yeah, you read that right.  I think the biggest thing they got right in this movie is they had no Ash character.  Oh, sure, there was the brother of the main girl who was dressed like Ash in the original, and there was the hippie-kinda teacher dude who got beat all to hell like Ash, but even the main heroine was nothing like Bruce Campbell.  And thank God.  Smart move on their part.  This one change gave this remake its own identity apart from the original.  There was no way they could replicate such an awesome character as Ash and they were wise not to even try.  Like my friend that went to see it with me said, “Having no Ash made this movie seem like a sequel set in the same universe as the original and not necessarily a direct remake.”  (Thank you, Dan)  And he’s right. 

The gore.  Oh, wait, what?  I already mentioned this before?  Well, it should be mentioned again, dammit!  Absolutely wonderful.

So, is this worth going to see?  Yes, yes it is.  Is it better than the original?  Uh, no.  It’s hard to be better than a seminal film.  It is meaner than the original but it doesn’t have that something (Bruce Campbell) to set it apart.  In the end, this Evil Dead remake is like a really good cover version of a song you grew up loving:  they get it right, and it’s worth hearing a couple of times, but in the end, you’ll break out the original on vinyl, crank it up, and relive its awesomeness.

*****

Bonus Pretentious Interpretation!

The Evil Dead remake is an allegorical tale of the struggle of a junkie trying to get clean.  They turn into an absolute monster, are ostracized from their family and friends even as they try and divide their loved ones, they utterly destroy those closest to them, go through a living hell of barbaric, bloody proportions, but finally come clean in the end, washed in the blood of their sacrifices, standing on the precipice of a literal new dawn (minus a left hand, of course).

You’re welcome.

Lucky 13 Questions...The Final Chapter????

Who can tell? Who can read the future? This will, however, be the last 13 Lucky Questions for the time being. And boy, do we go out in style! Like Jason getting carved up at the end of Friday the 13th Pt. 4, we bring the goods with this one! Check it out: the lovely, the brave, the talented, Kim Curley. Enjoy the interview and then take your ass out and get some of the stuff she's got work in. You won't regret it!

Let’s do this!


1. If there was only one movie you could watch for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
“Alfred Hitchcock’s Rebecca” starring Laurence Olivier, Joan Fontaine and Judith Anderson. The movie is based on Daphne Du Marier’s book by the same name. Filmed in 1940, this romantic thriller takes you through the lives of widower Max de Winter (Olivier) and his young bride (Fontaine). Along the lines of a sinister Cinderella story, the new Mrs. De Winter can’t help but feel the ghostly influence of the deceased Rebecca still lingering. Although you never see Rebecca, the character’s in the story make you believe she actually existed! Circumstances surrounding the death of Rebecca resurface, and puts the newlyweds ‘…happily ever after,’ marriage in jeopardy. Does the spectral Rebecca still rule over the lives of those she left behind at Manderley? This was Hitchcock’s first American movie and I’m blown away by it every time I watch it, which is at least a dozen times a year. I like stories that are dark, with unexpected twists and turns. PS-Spoiler alert: To make the character Rebecca more real to the audience, Fontaine’s character is never given a first name! Love it!



2. Who is your favorite literary character and why?
I fell in love with Joanna Archer in Vicki Pettersson’s “Sign of the Zodiac” series. Not only is the main character a strong female lead, but the way the author took the character and put her through the wringer is incredible! I like escapism in books. I want to be taken somewhere outside the norm, and Vicki Pettersson takes you there with Joanna. The action scenes are impressive, detailed, and in-your-face. Ms. Pettersson steps outside the writing “comfort zone,” constantly putting Joanna in life-or-death situation’s that most of us would probably run away from. Although the character is super-human, Joanna Archer makes a lot of human decisions which usually plunges her deeper into a world of chaos she’s trying to protect.


3. Favorite book and author?
I poured through all of my books, and lists of favorites and I just can NOT give you an answer on favorite book. I like all books, good and bad. There are too many stories out there for me to pinpoint to one favorite book. Sorry. Favorite author: Tie between Stephen King and J.K. Rowling. Although neither can be compared to the other, both are strong writers. In my opinion, both succeed on all aspects of writing: capturing the audience’s attention and holding it!


4. What is the one implement you could not part with in the event of a zombie apocalypse?
A really, really sharp ax or hatchet. And, a sharpening stone.


5. If you had to eat your big toe or your pinkie finger, which one would go? Take this seriously; your life depends on it.
Since I need my big toe for balance, pinkie finger would go without batting an eyelash!


6. Favorite album and artist?
I’ll always be a KISS girl at heart (up to 1984). However, my favorite album and artist would have to be Queensryche and their “Operation: Mindcrime” album. I never thought I’d like a concept album, but this one still holds messages that apply to our world today. Just amazing.


7. Who could clip their toenails in your presence and you not be offended?
In the words of King Julien, ‘Not the feet, Mort. What have I told you about the feet?’ Sorry, feet are the appendages that help you wade through the daily crap. Therefore, feet disgust me. Ugh!


8. Female fiction writers tend to have their work ghettoized as being for fellow females only while fiction written by men does not. This applies to other forms of entertainment as well. For instance, I went to see the movie Bridesmaids and was lambasted by male friends for it being a “Chick Flick.” And actually, it was universally damned funny. When they saw it, they ate their words. Why, besides sexism, do you think this happens?
In 2005-2006, there was a little underrated television show called, “Commander in Chief,” starring Geena Davis. Ms. Davis’ character becomes President of the United States after the death of the acting President. My daughter watched the show faithfully, while I ignored it. When Hilary Clinton stepped down from her race as President in 2008, my daughter stated, ‘Yep, just like the cancellation of Geena Davis’ show.’ I asked her what she meant by her statement. She replied, ‘the show failed for the same reason Hilary Clinton failed: American’s are not ready for a female President.’ She was right. Although women have made great strides to overcome adversities tied to our gender, until every single person on the planet is comfortable and accepting that women can do most things men can do, sexism will be the main influence. Besides, if we get rid of titles, i.e. “Chick Flicks,” you’d have to get rid of titles like, “Action Flicks,” “Guy Movies,” “Family Movies,” “Comedies,” “Western’s,” etc. Our society has to label everything-helps them to categorize and compartmentalize.


9. What is your favorite sport?
Swimming. You can feel the genuine competition between participants in this sport.


10. Is there a story of yours that has been published that you’ve looked back on and said, “Oh, God, I wish it wasn’t?”
No, I believe we learn from our early endeavors and just forge on. I don’t have time to look back and worry about what I’ve written.


11. What story are you most proud of that you’ve written and why?
I’m proud of a WIP children’s fiction novel. It stems from a story I made up for my daughter nearly twenty years ago. The main theme is one that’s been around forever: despite diversities, tear down those barriers and help others in need.


12. Eggs. Love them or hate them?
Egg whites only, please.


13. Promote the shit out of yourself. What do you have coming up and what have you finished?






A sci-fi/apocalypse short story, “Faith,” that is being included in the Wicked East Press, “Earth’s End Anthology,” coming out January 2012. Nonfiction submission sent to Hidden Thoughts Press about my daily battle with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Working on above mentioned kid’s fiction novel this year. Pouring over my many three-ringed binders for story inspirations. Hopefully get more author interviews in on my blog (looks around for volunteers!).


You can find Kim at her blog and over on Facebook



And there you go! How can you not love a lady who speaks so highly of KISS and Queensryche? Plus, she's a hell of a writer. Go forth and get her stuff and ye shall be fulfilled in life!